Should A Aspiring Influencer Friend Stop Using People for Material?

The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?