A Friend Constantly Focuses On Her Own Life: Should I End the Friendship?

We've been friends for over two decades, who has overcome numerous challenges, her resilience is commendable. However, she has been often taken by surprise in relationships. Her partner walked away, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of her friends disappeared at that point, because they seemed only interested in her husband. She was stunned by her deeply. She made more effort to be my friend, probably understood more acutely the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern In Relationships

In the time since, many of her friends vanished and she isn't certain of the reason. Her last employer became hostile, even though she was very skilled at her work, and she left unaware of the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, both of us left the workforce and are seeing frequent meetups, yet I realize my position in our friendship is to listen. I start subjects but she shifts the talk toward things she cares about. Politically, she holds firm beliefs. My effort is to propose verifying facts and alternate views.

She is planning a vacation abroad I've visited many times and resided in previously. I tried to offer personal experiences, however, my input met with resistance. She essentially only wanted my agreement with her plans. I recently come back from a month there she hopes to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to be a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, however, I feel she will ever grasp the impact of how she acts on my confidence. At this point, my state is avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

It's possible to cut and run, yet this is seldom a smooth outcome we imagine. But confrontation with a view to a solution requires bravery and readiness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially is to state what typically happens during your discussions. Aim for this to be as factual as possible like an unbiased account. Step two is to tell how this affects you emotionally. This allows for no dispute here. Emotions are valid, after all. The third step is to ask how you are both going to change the dynamics of your friendship."

Consider your friend has a point of view, so you need to stay open to hear that. One effective method is telling your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to not say anything for 30 minutes."

Closing Considerations

She might reject your concerns, since certain individuals hold onto a deep-seated story: they have a narrative about themselves they cannot abandon because their very survival relies on it and it represents they've known. This is difficult because there's no thoroughfare here, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might start out defensively then consider about what you've said. If a resolution isn't found a resolution, you'll have satisfaction knowing you were honest with her.